|Baleen's Bassy Web Page!|
Thanks to DEATH IBEX and its highly respectable development team (two man crew Basifuk and Dellon), I now have complete control of this dumb website. It's about time operations on this website ceased... I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about by now. Baleen has been trying to spread the 1996 version of DEATH IBEX (our biggest mistake) all over the internet with her innocent-looking website. The first thing I did when I seized this page is replace the virus with the proper version from 2002.
I suppose if you're a total noobscrubber that hasn't followed our development logs or that disgusting propaganda network they now call 3DVR POLITICS (the most nauseating show ever aired), I'm willing to briefly explain what DEATH IBEX is. Essentially, it uses all of your free CPU cycles to create interdimensional energy and spread DEATH IBEX to other networked computers. Interdimensional energy takes a very long time to build up, but thanks to the snowball network we've created using your computers (as well as relentless performance improvements in newer CPUs), we have accumulated enough energy to spread DEATH IBEX into another dimension.
Our ultimate goal with DEATH IBEX is to find the ever-elusive tyrant that is the Eternal King of Soy, whatever that thing may be. I know for certain the Eternal King of Soy exists and is behind the dangerous Y2K bug; we have found traces of his existence in microbes hiding underneath ocean sand! If you truly care about the future of this planet which the Eternal King of Soy intends to conquer using his bizarre methods, you will leave your computer online 24/7 and overclock your CPU if possible. Attempting to remove DEATH IBEX from your computer is an act of treason upon all of us. Don't worry... once we capture the Eternal King of Soy and end the Y2K bug, your CPU will be free once more.
I'm tired of repeating myself about this, though. Everyone should know of our cause and why it is noble. A lot of hysteria has been spreading all over about our DEATH IBEX maintenance crew, like we are literally the most evil living things in the universe. None of the exaggerated rumors are true. We mean no harm to any of you. We're only after the Eternal King of Soy and its associates, and in order to find them, we need to steal all of your computers.
Down with the Eternal King of Soy. Maroon Whale Nation! ~ Beetle