DEATH IBEX resurfaces, 200,000+ computers affected

The notorious hacker Basifuk has shocked the technosphere in a way that was thought to be completely impossible - he's released a computer virus that spreads not just through the usual suspicious-looking floppy disks, e-mail attachments, and web downloads, but also through organisms.

You're probably thinking right now: Whaaat??? A computer virus spreading from my computer to my body to another person's body to their computer??? I'm as baffled as you right now, given this phenomenon defies all the established logic of computers. Had it not been for what Basifuk personally testified on the Glass and Smoke forums, we wouldn't have any idea what was going on until maybe two weeks later. To quote his post:

"After 13 years of masochistic programming and one colossal failure, I have finally completed DEATH IBEX. In case you're new to this project, I'll reiterate what it does: it basically exploits the electrical nature of the CPU and other PC components to create a series of reactions that eventually form a microbial organism which multiplies itself across any surface. These organisms follow a specified pattern to attain self-awareness, followed by an ambition to find the tyrannical Eternal King of Soy.

The organic DEATH IBEX can latch on to any existing organism and, in some cases, can alter its mind (this feature is largely limited to a few aquatic species, it has no effect on humans). It can also enter another computer and digitally infect that. If said computer is connected to the internet, it can even update nearby organic instances of DEATH IBEX.

The DEATH IBEX virus, in its digital form, is not dependent on any operating system, as it works directly with all x86 CPUs in IBM-compatible PCs ranging from the original 5150 from 1981 to today's superpowered Pentium/Athlon computers. Unlike most viruses which can be easily defeated by an anti-virus database update, DEATH IBEX is designed to last for as long as it has not yet found the Eternal King of Soy. Now, the monarch trembles in fear as we take back control of our planet..."

Even now, I'm still pretty confused as to what this virus does, but I'm told it's been causing infected computers to consistently report 100% CPU usage. If you have a laptop and you depend on its long battery life, it's best you pick up a second battery if you can. So far, no data loss has been reported, but I strongly urge you to take precautions to protect your data as soon as possible; you'll absolutely need to do so now more than ever.

Moreover, don't panic. Numerous cyber security experts and biologists are already researching this virus exhaustively, and they expect to provide more information about it in the coming weeks. Also, one of my colleagues says he's watched Basifuk's videos well before he released DEATH IBEX. Taking on the Tribute to the Eternal King of Soy has been Basifuk's primary mission, and most anything else didn't matter to him. I think he should've just asked the Oversquid for help instead of going through so much programming trouble!